I like to write

New

2011-01-09T13:57:00.000-08:00

It is dropping
Into those pebbles
And now I know why I had to walk.
Until my tears mixed with the rain
In a torrent down my poor, tired
face
Because my heart had stopped.
It broke and it wrenched and it
stopped me from feeling like I could breathe
Until I couldn't say a word because
every
Thing
And every
Thought
Was too painful.

Every step hurt.
It hurt my feet and my stitch
and my being
Until the tears couldn't mix with
the rain any more and I was just
crying.
On my own.

With every foot forward, my
exhausted mind took two steps
back
I was on my own still
Walking in a straight line but never having felt so sorry and so twisted.
It tore at me with every
remembrance of every scenario of
every word
Until it turned into a lighter drizzle
That let me take off my hood and
shake my hair loose
And look at the sun and the beauty
behind the rain
And to realise that there is so
much to see.
Even when you feel like there
might be no more good and no
more beauty beyond this pain,
there is light and there is colour
and there is a smile,

By Paul

2010-10-15T03:58:00.000-07:00

Would it really be nice if we were older?

I think no.

I don't mind waiting so long.

My Night Sky

2010-09-16T02:26:00.001-07:00

It had drawn a line across my sky
And when I turned, there was another
Splitting it into a magic 4 and
telling me that everything was
going to be just fine.

Based on 'Mattens', by George Herbert

2010-08-19T06:56:00.001-07:00

I can't open my eyes,
Yet you're already there to catch
my morning soul and sacrifice:

So, Mine, what is a heart?

Silver, or gold, or precious stone,
Or star, or rainbow, or a part
of all of these things,
or all of them in one?

What is a heart?

That you should look at it
and pour upon it all that you have,
as if you had nothing else do?

Teach me your love, Oh Mine;
that this new light, which now I see,
May both the work and workman show:
That by a sun-beam I will climb to you.

All these things

2010-08-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

Hmpfh.

All these things are literally making
me forget to put detergent in the
washing machine
,
rinsing my clothes but not cleaning them.

Trying, rinsing my Self too
of
all these things, but not cleaning it.
Not cleaning me.

I'm just warmer now.
Warmer and smelling like ylang ylang.

On crying.

2010-05-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

When is the exact point
---> .
that those tears you sob
become dry? And with
that, you feel better?
Like a star ---> *
?

Autumn

2010-05-30T05:42:00.001-07:00

Greys like Rimmel, and
dark blue like home, and
with that cherry blossoming
like me blushing, I'm
wondering whether...

That Man

2010-05-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

He is Off-Peak.
(Maybe even Super Off-Peak.)
Suited, never a nice word,
never those yellow roses.
Next time. Always a
next time.
And it would be ironic,
anyway; him and me at the station.
Maybe I'd do it then.
Wave him off and pretend,
so that he'd not know it was
the last time.

The way to say he wouldn't be
at my wedding.

Illusions of a Detox

2010-05-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

There I am
In this lovely haze of lemon and fresh ginger
seeing things because I am empty.
That little flash in the corner
is
a dog.
I thought it was a dog. But it flew into my eye so maybe it was just _.
So tired too that it's easier to be a misfit and lie
in bed with more ginger.
Talking but not recognising the words that are coming out. They are a puzzle.
A puzzle that even me in my empty world can't work out. Maybe the noise is flying around too, into my ears, my eyes, my cup.
Endless sodding cups.
And then to go so erratic, trying to breathe but all of them hyper, and then I was smiling in my empty side. Smiling that I was doing this to try and feel better, and laughing to myself that I was seeing imaginary puppies.

2010-03-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Blinking twice as much, because it was only then that I realised the ground I had been walking on was flowers.

Please

2010-03-19T10:15:00.001-07:00

Let me be. Let me ask.
Alright?
We want bizarre, not crazy.
So be with me.

2010-02-06T05:27:00.000-08:00

Even though you have different coloured eyes,
I can still see him through you.

Strange in a good way

2010-02-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

I have such a great thrilling happy.

William, it was really nothing.

2010-02-01T14:52:00.000-08:00

So, he left.
He's set himself on fire,
burning those bridges so that
no-one can follow him.
It's like Jumanji, but a bit more
Hoxton Square.
(Can you fight crocodiles in a Tweed?)
So, he's gone.
...because to him it was the only way of saving his ability to love again, to stop him looking like a ghost, to get colour back, to respect.

2010-02-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

You there!
With your funny little á's and ř's,
and your 'yes's being 'no's,
and that girl's mASSIVE hat -

Can you stop putting sugar
in my coffee?

Or is that Me there?
swapping č's for ç's...
and oh! It's no wonder I'm getting lost...

What are YOUR top words?

2010-01-15T14:49:00.001-08:00

yay to new love because today is ever.

Remarkable.

2010-01-11T03:41:00.001-08:00

We two are at home in a room with no other.

2009-11-22T02:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Dried Pineapple,

You are my own personal Satan.
Please stop turning up uninvited in my cereal bowl.

Thanks.

Too much beer

2009-11-18T05:51:00.000-08:00

makes your tummy fall out!
Too much beer
makes you say hi to Ralph.
Too much beer
makes you forget to get up (get on up), and!, too much beer leaves messages that say, 'I'm here! Where are you?'
Where AM I?
Too much beer makes me laugh and laugh and laugh until I'm sick in the road.
And if Adam has too much beer, he goes into the wrong apartment by accident and makes friends with old men.
So, too much beer can be friendly.

2009-11-16T06:07:00.000-08:00

needless
to learn how to breathe (V)
again

by the way
would you like to run away? and try to forget.
just not to st
ay.

to get up and go
and to get in some car and

to learn not to come back this way.

2009-11-10T14:26:00.000-08:00

And I'm scared to say it!
Me!
To fit in with every single time my thoughts have time to dance
then
I should do it, say it, try it, be as
ballsy as he likes to think
I Am.

Messy, bloody; ripping up things
that aren't mine to rip.
I can't watch those pieces being made because
even though my jigsaw wants to stick his back together, to be his,
(so much! so, so much!)
what if I never get him back.
?
as anything
?
hey?
wanting to stick his [pieces] back together but never getting [him] back.

Even though every pore is wanting to soak
up the rays of him
it's un-do-able. do-able. i am able. i am un-able to do it.

Spice up my crumble

2009-11-02T14:10:00.000-08:00

Spice up my crumble.
Go on!

I dare you!
I kneed you (to)

So come on!
Spice things up!
Be this injection of flavour I kneed, that you need to be,
Because, dearest, there are other spices in this 'ere space
who can shake at me soon
and I will choose them.

Infinite time?

2009-11-01T08:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not talking about this now.

It hammers away
- hurts, even -
with the pace of my running...
(...?)

and with each step up there's one down too
and that's why not a day less will do.
I will ask you.

Because in that blissful moment of just ___
there is that kind of forever
there IS!
that has your name scratched in it

but I don't think you see it.

So don't go running away, you mad fool,
from you,
I don't want to give mine away!

So give me yours!

Moving...

2009-08-25T00:58:00.000-07:00

The beauty of it lies in
its' happy wookie, its' wind,
its' grey, in its' neverending
power to be new.
To find that fearless pull
to know that wherever you
walk, you will be as two.
That this might be that best cup.

Liam

2009-04-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

Take --- from him, all those thoughts of swaying
Marbled eyes
Surprised that he'd actually done it.
The swaying though; a euphoric looseness in him, unmoving
and then Someone felt that face
and said he wasn't gone yet
pupils coming alive freaked us to be,
a minute later, pleading, an unimaginable desperation
Cursing that he felt this way
that I was the only person he'd ever wanted to bruise.
Then he gripped my arm in his almost-dead fist.

2009-03-14T04:38:00.000-07:00

But to think it was HER
And the way I crashed when after my
tr - tr - triple - take
it turned out to be a beautiful mistake

Mr and Mrs

2009-02-12T00:45:00.000-08:00

How
Would he know?

How would he know that
it would knock the wind out of her

How his soul searching would
knock her soul so she turned to haircuts to boost the battered bits.

He just fucking said "s-o-r-r-y"
but that doesn't (hair) cut it I'm afraid
when those battered bits are the ones
that cry in the emails to me
that make her collapse at work
that leave her questioning whether she can even
Do this any more.
That's his soul-searching, is it?

2009-01-07T12:41:00.000-08:00

You are everytime the biggest sun

You are all the colours in my rainbow

2008-12-30T13:01:00.000-08:00

2008-12-03T13:21:00.001-08:00

You can't see me

(I can't see you)

I'm flying.

Farewell

2008-11-04T10:04:00.001-08:00

It's like a staple when all I'd like is

a hug...

...and you can't cuddle angles.

Trying to turn it off in the ceefaxed bit of my head

, green, red, those lines like ropes of fuzz,

...it isn't working.

So of my Golden City
which part will I find?

Outside Saatchi 2

2008-10-11T09:41:00.001-07:00

If my Art is here
Why is yours mis-matched leg-
warmers, honey?

These --- are my words

2008-10-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

Words on bone owning that bone that bone is my own, words of bone words as stone, stoney bones stoned bones are my words.

2008-09-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

You,
are the clouds
when passions rage and I see mist in
my
fall

You are reflections, waving from
non-existent windows
and I break for you.

2008-09-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

Neither within nor without;
neither breathless nor heady;

there the dance is,
not still or even skipping.

Try not to fix it,
to where the heartbeats are counting.
Except for that tangent, the perfect solace of stillness

There might be no dance. Oh! But,
there is only the dance.

While The Expressionism floats

2008-07-29T05:53:00.001-07:00

Clutching for the one that can steady
Your wobbling.
You are frozen a bit, with each beat of your blackened honesty
making the churns come.

So you do it;

you pop the bubbles and recreate your tundra
to find the letters that show how your heart feels, what those worried eyes
are trying to say.
And then you're not sure
sure
not sure if you want it to go
but you Man Up and do it;
and while your expressionism floats, you're left thinking
"Oh Shit", until the reply comes.

2008-07-11T02:18:00.001-07:00

Though all I could see was he,
Not fresh and straight,
but dirty in the foam; and she,
Love, who'd pulled you from
There, and into the running.

2008-06-12T02:27:00.000-07:00

lost-in-a-bit-of-Russian-translation
I was asked
What do you mean about This Music?

with a smile then

What do you mean about This Music?

with a raise
and a crackle of flash
(think sparks here)
she'd caught that slightly
confused
I-am-European-too, but glazed,
face,
forever amused on her camera lens

2008-05-08T05:02:00.000-07:00

Pirate writing

she said to me
"when it's plain sailing,
you can't write"
so does this mean
it's gone choppy?
and am I able to
pinpoint the rough,
like pirates
like trawlers,
stealing and dredging
for the things that might make them whoop in gratitude
because now it's plain sailing for them?

2008-05-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

when you Look at me I wonder
what it Is that you are thinking
through your Eyes and through your breath.

are you Happy saying nothing
lying wistful in your thinking
dancing In that time we met?

or are you Cooking little pots
of thought
that We might be the best?

2008-05-05T11:03:00.000-07:00

If there can be
If there is
A Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy: And Other Stories
are there
is there
A Despondent Loss of Lobster Girl: (And Other Stories too, obv.)

Or if we could be
A Medieval Master of Love, like Ovid,
why should we turn our subjects of admiration, pet,
into cheap translations of the Silver Age
when all he wants is some future hope for his eternal devotion?
Poor guy.

Maybe he should've written some Other Stories!
Y'know, like, spread himself out a bit...

2008-03-22T02:48:00.001-07:00

we'd have to imagine everything
perfectly so that it's snap.

you can sit on your cloud,
me on my bean bag
and if you like
I'll remember You
and if you like
i'll let you remember me.

I'd prefer it if you could tingle
down and sit here too,
but as long as your cloud is
silver and lined for you, sweetheart,
I don't mind that you've gone.

2008-03-22T02:47:00.001-07:00

she gave me this book...
I never thought I'd write!
or maybe that lovely girl knew
best,
that the pen would run away
(like the dish with the spoon)
and little lights would come out
onto my page

2008-03-22T02:46:00.000-07:00

the noughts and crosses stayed.
they were etched there, smudged there so that
we could all see
how their roads were spent

it made me smile.
are we there yet

2008-03-22T02:45:00.001-07:00

My head is Open
on Sundays
(12 - 4pm, browsing from 11)

2008-03-06T13:57:00.001-08:00

so
there are times when
they just come on
anywhere
and I have to catch my breath
just a little bit because
Immediately I'm somewhere else

I'm on that boat with you
and we're singing together,
and we are
so
happy! Or
i'm jumping or i'm sad
but I like it because
Immediately I'm hoping that
when you hear it
you're thinking of me too.

2008-03-02T05:48:00.000-08:00

It's like a pretty music when they speak
I'm so lost in it
that i can close my inner doors
to everything that isn't their
magic
and i listen; I pretend to
drink coffee, but I'm listening
to the prettiness of them

i wonder
what it would be like if
i were to fall asleep to it

with him stroking my hair
and whispering
to me like that every night, you know
I think my dreams would be made of gold.

2008-03-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

a gin without tonic

You are
missing a single thread

if you look close, into the
boxes
you might see it lying there
beckoning
to patch up that part of you
that makes your lashes twinkle
with cry

2008-03-02T05:44:00.000-08:00

my heart smiles
to think that you, lovely,

can
be
with
me.

2008-02-29T00:52:00.001-08:00

Rhia, sheer
Genius.

that girl is Light when all around her, stars are dimmed by town cloud.